sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
