Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
