I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize