Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
