I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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