Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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