Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
