so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
we should paint friendship bongs
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