I just threw up on my dentist
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
