I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
