Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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