I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize