Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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