my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
