is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
This is my gift to your gina
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
