I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just pee around me
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
