I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
