I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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