like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
