The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
