I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
