I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
