Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
