At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize