he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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