Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
