I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
