How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
