Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
