don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
