My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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