So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
