3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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