I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
