im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
