Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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