i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
