so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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