Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
