rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
