It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize