I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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