Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
