A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
