I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize