Banned from zoo.
Again?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
