So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
