Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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