How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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