Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
