It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
