i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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