i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
