I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
