they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
