I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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