You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
