i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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