4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
