Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
