my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
