I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
