do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
so let's talk penis.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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